Dean Melcher was the kind of guy who befriended girls easier than boys. He was a tad shy, consistently thoughtful and surrounded by women, but he still couldn't get a girlfriend.

"I think I was kind of clueless and oblivious," admits Melcher, who spent his early 20s lingering in the friend zone. "Women wanted the bad boys."

Everyone probably knows a Mr. Nice Guy like Melcher, who is now 46. He's the guy who patiently listens to a girl complain without interrupting her. Because of his sweet nature, he puts the girl's demands first, altering his weekend plans to fit her schedule. He may be uneasy about making a decision for fear of being domineering.

But after all his diligent efforts to be a gentleman, she turns him down, and he is left to wonder: Do nice guys finish last?

"Girls might say they want a nice guy, but what they really want is the cool guy," said Arthur Malov, founder of New York Dating Coach, a relationship consulting agency with primarily male clients. "A jerk is rarely so bad that no one wants to hook up with him."

Now, some single guys are taking steps to avoid being lumped into the nice guy category. Malov's agency, which coaches single men from all over the U.S. and as far away as Japan and Norway, instructs clients to steer away from the polished, predictable image. The dating coach tells men to stop being so available and flexible. He advises the men to leave a little mystery because women, despite what they say, do desire the chase.

Malov says the nice-guy persona is the No. 1 problem cited by his male clients, and he explains why, using the game of poker.

"A lot of nice guys are showing all his cards and saying, 'What should I do?' " he says. "After that, nothing happens."

The Modern Man, a company based in Australia that provides dating advice, suggests a similar anti-nice guy solution: Stop wasting money on expensive dates, and don't always cater to her needs first.

"Realize that women don't want you to hand over your power by being a Mr. Nice Guy in return for their affection, love and attention," said Dan Macon, who runs The Modern Man. "Sure, women want you to show them respect and love, but they also want you to be a man and take charge. If you can't do that, women won't want to be with you."

Neil Strauss, author of the "The Game," a best-seller that explores ways for men to pick up women, once found himself in the Mr. Nice Guy category. He was friends with a girl he liked. He was painting her walls one time when she left to go on a date with another guy. Strauss quickly figured out that women desire someone who is kind but also has a backbone and is confident.

"The dichotomy isn't between good guys or bad guys," he explained. "It's between weak guys and strong guys."